Vicious Victim Cycle

So the other week I was watching a video by speaker, author, and spiritual leader, Gabrielle Bernstein, and she was talking about the concept of playing the role of the victim.  Now, I know that I am guilty of this, and I know a lot of people that are guilty of this well—we all fall into the victim trap occasionally as it’s human nature to do so.  All of us see ourselves as victims in some way or time in our lives.  Gabby explained that when we view ourselves as victims we begin to overthink and obsess about a situation and try to control it.  We reach out and talk about the situation to everyone we know, and the more we talk about it, the more we obsess about it and try to over-analyze it.  In reality, we make the situation worse, not better, and there is no resolution in sight.

I can honestly say there’s definitely one aspect of my life that I’m not happy with and working on.  I’m really consciously trying to think differently and change my perception about it because it has affected my disposition in many ways, over and over again.  I find myself falling into the trap of playing the victim when talking or thinking about this aspect of my life.

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Although I am on a great path, very in tune with myself, and feel as if I’m in alignment with universe, we all have hiccups along the way.  Nobody is perfect and let’s face it, life is a journey and a continuous learning process for both me and you.

So, the other week I caught myself complaining, complaining, and complaining, and then, I had this moment of clarity (which has happened before), but this time the clarity really sank in.  The questions of why am I doing this and why am I ruminating about this problem and thinking negative thoughts over and over and over in my head really triggered something within me.  If there’s anything I’ve learned in regard to the law of attraction it’s that the vibrations you put out into the Universe are what you will receive back.  With that being said, why would I want to bring negativity into my life and continue to ruminate over a situation that is upsetting me?

I believe we all secretly, very deep down, love playing the role of the victim because we have the opportunity to shift blame onto other people or situations rather than looking inwardly at ourselves.  If you’re unhappy about something, it’s much easier to blame someone else rather than to show up for yourself and acknowledge what’s really going on inside of you.

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One of the coolest things that I’ve read within the past few weeks was a quote on Twitter by @LifeHacks. I’m not very active on Twitter, but I do love reading and occasionally retweeting things. One day I read a simple quote that went like this: “Three solutions to every problem: Accept it, change it or leave it. If you can’t accept it, change it. If you can’t change it, leave it.” How simple yet true!

When I read this quote, everything seemed very clear.  If you can’t accept something, change it.  If you can’t change it, leave it.  Sometimes the key to happiness is really that simple.   I guarantee that if you take this approach to many things in life, you’re going to be much happier because surrendering to something that just isn’t working in your favor and isn’t making you happy is a very strong and brave step in showing up for yourself.  Ruminating about what isn’t making you happy may seem like the easier choice, but negativity has a domino effect, and the more negative you are, the more negativity you will bring into your life.

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So, here is my advice to you:  be present and acknowledge that you are playing the role of the victim. When you focus on living in the present, you observe, reflect and process things at a slower pace and in turn acknowledge everything around you and how you’re feeling.  By doing so, you are aware of how you’re reacting to what you’re thinking and what’s going on around you.  If you slow down the pace, in any moment of unhappiness, I promise that you’ll have a brief moment of clarity and want to reach for a happy thought.

The first step is awareness, and the second step is actually changing your mindset, which takes a conscious and continuous effort.  Practice makes perfect, and you need to change out the negativity tape in your mind to achieve the results you want. Anytime you have a negative thought, reach for a positive one, whether it’s a silver lining in a situation or a positive thought or memory from your past. Feelings and emotions are all temporary, and you can change your mindset from negative to positive in an instant.

Everything in life is a choice, and you don’t have to choose to live in a negative world. It’s your choice to live a positive life. Stop feeding into the victim role by putting an end to complaining and ruminating.  Life is going to be much easier once you do this, and I promise you that if you stick to slowing down the pace of your thoughts and reactions, you will become more aware of the vibrations you’re putting into the universe, and you will choose to think positive thoughts.  End result: you will have a life filled with joy and happiness.

Be well, be glam!

Xx Marisa

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This off-the-shoulder sweater is by Romwe. It’s so comfy for the change of seasons!  I’m so happy sweater weather has arrived. Check out the top here!

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Photos Taken at Sweet Moment in Little Italy (NYC).  I got the Creamart Red Velvet (naturally, because it’s red! 🙂 )

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