I did it—I broke through the blocks! For the past two months, I have been feeling very stuck, and I just couldn’t break through the wall that was holding me back. I felt misaligned and misplaced and had no idea why. I talk about it a bit more here in one of my past blog posts.
I desperately asked for guidance every day. Slowly yet surely, week by week, I began to understand and uncover answers to the underlying blocks that I couldn’t seem to describe or comprehend. Eventually, everything began to surface as I chiseled away at my feelings and I began to understand why I felt the way I did.
Over this past weekend in particular, I felt very stuck in one place with no direction. Trying to make myself feel better, I decided to take a walk and get my favorite fro-yo at 16 Handles. On my way there, I began to pray. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that I pray, but yes..I do..every single day. I asked for help and guidance, and then I youtubed author, life-coach, and “spirit junkie” Gabrielle Bernstein for more encouragement. She is one of my favorite role models, and I always feel inspired by her words.
I didn’t have an immediate result, and I still felt pretty ‘blah’ after my walk to fro-yo and youtubing, but something happened as soon as I stepped out of 16 Handles. I am not sure if it was a sugar high or a mini miracle, but my whole mood changed. Everything hit me at once and I began to make sense of what was holding me back.
I realized I had been building up resentment in a couple of different areas of my life. In turn, this resentment was blocking my ability to stay and remain grounded, be present in the moment, and just focus on myself. Not to mention, I’ve felt completely uninspired and have been lacking creativity this whole time as well. I’ve dreaded writing for my blog—something I never thought I’d ever feel!
History repeats itself until the lesson is learned, and interestingly, I have fallen into the same trap one too many times. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling the same feelings and emotions across various situations and aspects of my life. It simply (yet ever so destructively) comes down to the idea that I’m not good enough.
So, I dug deeper, and I asked myself why have I been feeling this way. I realized that I have been surrounding myself with people and maintaining relationships with friends who have been destroying my self-confidence, diminishing my self-worth, and further reinforcing the idea that I’m not good enough.
These relationships have completely drained my energy instead of boosting my mindset and helping me recharge. I’ve written about toxicity before and the idea that certain people can be toxic to our health and well-being. I’ve detoxed people from my life in the past, however, the lesson repeats as needed. Once again, I was confronted with the need to let go of relationships that are not in alignment with who I am.
After some inner reflection, I came to the realization that doing a little “spring cleaning” was more than necessary. I ended a close friendship with someone I thought was a very good friend of mine. I had no intention of ending the friendship that night, but it was meant to be. I walked away feeling 100% relieved. It was a long time coming, and if I wasn’t going to end the friendship myself, the Universe was going to do it for me. Damn right it did (even though I had resisted many times before, actually).
In a different relationship, I started to put my foot down and hit the pause button on being a “yes” person for once. As a result, I have been treated with more respect and I am less stressed and more confident. In yet another friendship, I stood up for myself and spoke my mind about a situation that was really bothering me. The outcome of that one is still TBD, but que sera, sera. Regardless of what happens, I feel relieved that I let it all out.
Over the past few months, I have been focusing on changing my relationship with myself, which in turn has changed my relationship with others. How you view yourself is a direct reflection of how other people view you. The mirror doesn’t lie!
Also, for the record, it takes time to learn how to be attracted to what’s good for us. It took me 24 years, and I’m still a work in progress, but aren’t we all!
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P.s. All pictures were taken along the Hudson on Pier 26 🙂