3 Sneaky Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging-  How I Let Go of Fear & Launched My Dream Blog

Hello everyone! Words cannot explain how happy and proud of myself I am for finally launching Mindfully Glam.  I feel like I’ve been talking about rebranding and relaunching for years now, but I actually only started this process back in July.  Everything has come such a long way since then and has developed beautifully, better than I envisioned, and I am just genuinely so excited!

I was my goal to launch before the end of 2017, but I had some hiccups along the way, like moving to a new apartment and taking on more at work.  I also got in my own way many times..enter today’s topic about self-sabotaging.

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Everything in life is mind over matter.  Your mind is stronger than your body, and your thoughts are stronger than your actions.

I had some setbacks that were out of my control, but I’d say 80% of my setbacks were a me problem because I was self-sabotaging.

I was self-sabotaging out of fear—the fear that I’m good enough to launch a blog or Youtube channel and the fear that what I’m doing is not going to be well receive and I’m going to embarrass myself.  Most importantly what if this fails? What if this is all a waste of time?

Although I think vulnerability is one of the strongest qualities to have, I was afraid to be vulnerable.  I had this huge mental block that I could not break through.

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I prayed on it, and I set my intentions out into the Universe to help me release this fear.  A few days into the new year, something just clicked and my whole attitude and perception changed.

I was able to let go of the outcome of starting a blog and Youtube channel.  If I failed, I failed.  If I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed myself.   I was doing this for me.  This was a goal of mine and I needed to accomplish it, regardless of the outcome.

It took me over the course of six months to realize I was self-sabotaging.  It was actually someone else who pointed it out to me.  I did some self-reflection, and I became aware of what I was doing and how I was doing it.  So here are three sneaky signs that you may be doing the same things and self-sabotaging your goals:

  1. Procrastination

I’m queen of the phrase “I’ll do it later.” I am the master of never finishing projects that I start—something I am very aware of and seriously trying to work on!   Whatever it is, get it done.  For me, putting things on the back burner causes stress and anxiety that builds up over time.  One day you’ll wake up and think about all long list of things you have to do.  You’ll be so overwhelmed that you don’t want to do any of them, so you’ll feel like the only option is giving up.

  1. Excuses 

“I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time.”  These two are my favorites and most used.  This also ties in with procrastination, but I think this deserves it’s own recognition.  I am the type of person who always has to be busy.  It is very difficult for me to empty out my mind, even for just a few hours.  I noticed that I am trying to get out of working on my blog, I will literally create a full day’s activity agenda in order to validate the fact that “I’m to busy” to work on my blog.  I’ll say yes to every and any invitation to do something, when I can easily so no.  Or, I’ll reach out to people myself, so I’ll have a full day of being out of the house and zero time for my blog.  I’d go out of my way to validate my excuses and procrastination.

  1. Negative Thinking 

This is just touching the surface; I can write a whole book on the power of negative thinking.  It’s human nature to have doubts, but that doesn’t give us a free pass on thinking in a negative mindset.   If you are constantly getting down on yourself and thinking negatively about yourself, you are going attract more negativity into your life and make it harder for yourself to achieve your goals.

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Once upon a time, I used to be a perfectionist. I would beat myself up about every little thing I did wrong.  Over time, I diminished my own self-confidence.  It’s taken me years to build it back up.  Don’t be like old me.  Anytime you have negative thought about yourself, immediately reach for a positive one.  Don’t be so hard on yourself, and certainly down beat yourself up.

So, do a little self-reflection.  Take a look at your life, goals, and thinking patterns.  Are you self-sabotaging?

At the end of the day, we are all our own worst enemies.  In order to reach your dreams, you have to get out of your own way.  Let go of the fear that is holding you back.  Let go of your procrastination, excuses, and negative thinking.  Allow yourself to believe in yourself.

Remember that you typically feel the strongest desire to quit right before you are about to achieve your goal.

P.s. Cowel Neck Pencil Dress from Romwe and Color Blog Faux Fur Coat by Shein! I love these styles together.  This is the perfect Winter dress and jacket (although it is very lightweight!).  Romwe and Shein have the trendiest clothes and accessories for each season!

 

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Xx Marisa

 

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SheIn Party Dress Wish List!

Hello ladies! December, my favorite month of the year, is here!  Have you been struggling to find the perfect outfit for NYE or a holiday party?  I’ve been browsing SheIn’s site to find my birthday, holiday party, and NYE dresses.  Bring on the reds, blacks, metallics (my favorite colors 🙂 ) and sequin everything!  I especially love seeing trends like wrap dresses, bell sleeves, fringe, pearls/beading and ruffles move into holiday looks.   Here are some of my favorite holiday dress options, all available on SheIn!

Screen Shot 2017-12-04 at 2.12.18 PM1. Bow Tie One Shoulder Metallic Dress

  1. Screen Shot 2017-12-04 at 2.13.13 PM 2. Contrast Faux Fur Hem Metallic Sequin Cami Dress

 

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 3. V Notch Sequin Bandeau Dress

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 4. Fluffy Fringe Cami Dress

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5. Knot Side Surplice Wrap Slip Dress

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6. Backless Ruched Velvet Tulip Dress

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7. Allover Fluffy Fringe Cami Dress

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8. Mock Neck Exaggerate Bell Sleeve Dress

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9. Flounce Trim Tulip Wrap Dress

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10. Tiered Trumpet Sleeve Slit Back Bardot Dress

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11. Pearl Beading Boxed Pleated Flare Dress

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12. Pearl Beaded Tiered Bell Sleeve Choker Neck Dress

Shop these party styles and many more at SheIn!

Xx Marisa

 

21 Things I’m Grateful for This Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Thanksgiving is a time to reflect back on everything that we are thankful for.  There is so much to be grateful for every single day, not just today.
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For those of you who don’t know, I have been keeping a gratitude journal since May of 2016.  Every day, I write down at least three things that I’m thankful for.  This simple exercise has completely changed my life.  It has opened my eyes to many aspects of my life that I have taken for granted over the years.  There will 100% be a post solely dedicated to gratitude, but until then, here’s a sneak peek into my gratitude journal and the top 21 things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.
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1.  My family
2.  Every single one of my friends
3.  Waking up each morning
4.  My friend’s surgery going well
5.  Living in Manhattan
6. Running into old friends and catching up with friends I haven’t seen in some time
7. Being very happy and enjoying the journey
8. My blog and YouTube channel—will be launched soon! 🙂
9. Almost 21 days without coffee! I’m feeling so much less anxious and my sleep and skin have seriously improved!
10. Being able to hop on a train and escape to CT to be with my family for the holiday
11.  The start of the holiday season!
12.  Being employed
13.  Meditative mornings to myself
14.  For all the recent opportunities that have come my way
15.  Finally getting a bit of a much needed break. I’ve been in need of some serious R&R
16.  For everything I have had the opportunity to experience (good and bad) in 2017 this far
17.  Feeling inspired. I woke up yesterday morning in a blah mood (perhaps also because of this rain), and I opened up my phone to a Gabrielle Bernstein video that inspired me and put me back on track. The Universe will always give you what you need!
18.  For the tradition of Thanksgiving
19.  Whoever invented pie (although I’m not a huge pie fan, I love it around this time of year!)
20.  My persistence and strength when times are tough
21.  Anyone and everyone reading this—thank you for taking the time to do so!
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I wish you all a very happy and safe Thanksgiving! I hope you ate copious amounts turkey and watched a lot of football.  This holiday certainly calls for some serious

R&R with your family and loved ones, so I hope you enjoy!
Xx Marisa

Vicious Victim Cycle

So the other week I was watching a video by speaker, author, and spiritual leader, Gabrielle Bernstein, and she was talking about the concept of playing the role of the victim.  Now, I know that I am guilty of this, and I know a lot of people that are guilty of this well—we all fall into the victim trap occasionally as it’s human nature to do so.  All of us see ourselves as victims in some way or time in our lives.  Gabby explained that when we view ourselves as victims we begin to overthink and obsess about a situation and try to control it.  We reach out and talk about the situation to everyone we know, and the more we talk about it, the more we obsess about it and try to over-analyze it.  In reality, we make the situation worse, not better, and there is no resolution in sight.

I can honestly say there’s definitely one aspect of my life that I’m not happy with and working on.  I’m really consciously trying to think differently and change my perception about it because it has affected my disposition in many ways, over and over again.  I find myself falling into the trap of playing the victim when talking or thinking about this aspect of my life.

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Although I am on a great path, very in tune with myself, and feel as if I’m in alignment with universe, we all have hiccups along the way.  Nobody is perfect and let’s face it, life is a journey and a continuous learning process for both me and you.

So, the other week I caught myself complaining, complaining, and complaining, and then, I had this moment of clarity (which has happened before), but this time the clarity really sank in.  The questions of why am I doing this and why am I ruminating about this problem and thinking negative thoughts over and over and over in my head really triggered something within me.  If there’s anything I’ve learned in regard to the law of attraction it’s that the vibrations you put out into the Universe are what you will receive back.  With that being said, why would I want to bring negativity into my life and continue to ruminate over a situation that is upsetting me?

I believe we all secretly, very deep down, love playing the role of the victim because we have the opportunity to shift blame onto other people or situations rather than looking inwardly at ourselves.  If you’re unhappy about something, it’s much easier to blame someone else rather than to show up for yourself and acknowledge what’s really going on inside of you.

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One of the coolest things that I’ve read within the past few weeks was a quote on Twitter by @LifeHacks. I’m not very active on Twitter, but I do love reading and occasionally retweeting things. One day I read a simple quote that went like this: “Three solutions to every problem: Accept it, change it or leave it. If you can’t accept it, change it. If you can’t change it, leave it.” How simple yet true!

When I read this quote, everything seemed very clear.  If you can’t accept something, change it.  If you can’t change it, leave it.  Sometimes the key to happiness is really that simple.   I guarantee that if you take this approach to many things in life, you’re going to be much happier because surrendering to something that just isn’t working in your favor and isn’t making you happy is a very strong and brave step in showing up for yourself.  Ruminating about what isn’t making you happy may seem like the easier choice, but negativity has a domino effect, and the more negative you are, the more negativity you will bring into your life.

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So, here is my advice to you:  be present and acknowledge that you are playing the role of the victim. When you focus on living in the present, you observe, reflect and process things at a slower pace and in turn acknowledge everything around you and how you’re feeling.  By doing so, you are aware of how you’re reacting to what you’re thinking and what’s going on around you.  If you slow down the pace, in any moment of unhappiness, I promise that you’ll have a brief moment of clarity and want to reach for a happy thought.

The first step is awareness, and the second step is actually changing your mindset, which takes a conscious and continuous effort.  Practice makes perfect, and you need to change out the negativity tape in your mind to achieve the results you want. Anytime you have a negative thought, reach for a positive one, whether it’s a silver lining in a situation or a positive thought or memory from your past. Feelings and emotions are all temporary, and you can change your mindset from negative to positive in an instant.

Everything in life is a choice, and you don’t have to choose to live in a negative world. It’s your choice to live a positive life. Stop feeding into the victim role by putting an end to complaining and ruminating.  Life is going to be much easier once you do this, and I promise you that if you stick to slowing down the pace of your thoughts and reactions, you will become more aware of the vibrations you’re putting into the universe, and you will choose to think positive thoughts.  End result: you will have a life filled with joy and happiness.

Be well, be glam!

Xx Marisa

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This off-the-shoulder sweater is by Romwe. It’s so comfy for the change of seasons!  I’m so happy sweater weather has arrived. Check out the top here!

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Photos Taken at Sweet Moment in Little Italy (NYC).  I got the Creamart Red Velvet (naturally, because it’s red! 🙂 )

5 Ways to be Happy NOW!

Written for CT Fashion Mag.  Article here.

How many times have you heard the phrase that life is too short to be unhappy? If you’re like me, then you’ve heard it probably one too many times. Everything in life is continuously changing. Nothing remains constant; it’s basic physics. Although my career as a scientist ended at the high school level, the most important thing I learned is that everything is constantly in motion. Simply put, one’s life can change in an instant. We all have good days and bad days, but at the end of the day, we are in control of our own happiness.

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Being human, we all get sad, stressed, irritated, upset, angry, etc. for a brief or even extended period of time.  Recently, it took me almost two months to get out of one of the most creativity-blocking ‘funks’ I have gone through in my life.  I felt like I was just going through the motions of life without actually living it. This experience made me thoroughly reassess what was holding me back and forced me to stop and regroup.

Over the years, I found that one of the easiest ways to be happy right now is to bring yourself back to living in the moment.  We are constantly looking for the next life event or big-picture happening to take place, however, life also consists of the ordinary everyday moments that come in between these bigger occurrences.  Every single moment makes up your life, so if your currently sad, angry, confused, or just feeling ‘blah,’ why not be happy in this moment, right now? So here are my tips on how to be happy NOW.

  1. Just Breathe.  The first step is simply to breathe.  Inhale the good, exhale the bad.  Whatever it is that is troubling or making your feel sad, just let it go with each out breath. Take five long, deep, and slow breaths like this: Inhale for four slow counts, hold your breath for four slow counts, and then exhale for four slow counts.  Repeat these steps.   Anytime I am stressed, I tend to hold my breath or breathe shallowly, cutting off proper circulation to the rest of my body.  This is a huge no-no for trying to calm oneself down. If you can become aware of your breathing, you can start to ground yourself, begin to relax and focus on the moment. The simple, natural process of breathing is very calming and can dispel your anxiety and make you feel more relaxed and less stressed.
  2. Take a moment to ground yourself.  Even if you have to set your timer to exactly one minute, take that exact minute to recompose yourself.  For me, this is closing my eyes and meditating in silence.  I’ll even repeat a phrase like “you can do this, Marisa” or “you are so much stronger than you think.”  Try it.  I swear it works, even just for one minute.
  3. Visualize your “happy place.”  For me, I don’t have one exact “happy place” that I constantly resort back to in times of need.  Many people have that one place, but I have many happy places because it doesn’t have to be limited to a physical place or time in your life when you were genuinely happy.  I always think back to a joke a friend of mine once told me or simply the smile of a loved one.  It’s not rocket science, just a memory that makes you feel good inside and a visual that can’t help but make you physically smile.
  4. Step outside (unless the weather is bringing you down, of course, then just step away).  Get some sunlight and reconnect with nature.  I always find it so difficult to not be happy when I’m sitting or standing outside in direct sunlight.  If you’re in an office or at home just take a step outside, or at the very least, step away from your desk.  Go on a quick walk to recharge and to experience the serenity and beauty that is all around you.  Whether you are in a big city or a small town, there is always a piece of nature that can’t be ignored or underappreciated.
  5. Turn on your favorite song.  Once you’ve brought yourself back to living in the moment, choose a song.  For me, this probably entails a dancy/hip hop song from the early 2000s.  Pick something that 1. Isn’t sad 2. That you can sing (or rap) aloud 3. Reminds you of a person you love or a great time in your life 4. That you can dance to or at least bop your head to.  Moving your body in general can shift your mood and increase your happiness immediately as well.
Stephanie Cowan 2017
Stephanie Cowan 2017
Stephanie Cowan 2017
Stephanie Cowan 2017

No one’s life is perfect, and the unfortunate truth is that we aren’t going to be happy in every single moment of our lives.  However, when we fall off the wagon and become consumed with negativity or sadness, these five life hacks certainly come in handy for reassessing our current state of mind.  Just remember that you are in control of your happiness, and if you can slow down your thoughts, become present in the moment, and change your attitude from negative to positive, you can essentially become happy in any given moment.

Stephanie Cowan 2017

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Photography by Stephanie Cowan theblondwiththesmile.com @stephaniecowan

Criss cross backless swing dress by SheIn!

Xx Marisa

Radiant Aura

 Flatiron, Manhattan

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“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life” – Omar Khayyam

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“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” -Gandhi

 “Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more” -Oscar Wilde

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“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” -Oscar Wilde

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“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow” -Helen Keller

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“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” -Oscar Wilde

Dress: Express; Shoes: Michael Kors, Choker: Forever 21, Lips: Laura Mercier’s Lip Glacé “Pink Spark,” Sunglasses: Bought them on the street in Flatiron 🙂

Photos by Devon McLaughlin, The Leveraged Look @theleveragedlook

Brighter Than Sunshine

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“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves” -William Shakespeare

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“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none” -William Shakespeare

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be” -William Shakespeare

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another” -William Shakespeare

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“To do a great right do a little wrong” -William Shakespeare

Bradley Theodore (@bradleytheodore) is hands down my favorite graffiti artist.  He is best known for portraying fashion icons, including Karl Lagerfeld and Anna Wintour, in a colorful, skeletal way.  His is most recent work consists historical icons, such as Queen Elizabeth, and infamous stars, including Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe.  His work can be found in galleries and on the street throughout the world, specifically in major cities like New York City, Los Angeles, London, and Hong Kong.  In New York, most of his street art is found in Soho and the LES.  The above are found on Rivington and Ludlow in the LES.

Dress: Zara, Earrings & Bracelet: C Wonder, Shoes: Steve Madden, Lipstick: Lancome #333 Pink Preview (Matte)

Photos by Devon McLaughlin, The Leveraged Look @theleveragedlook

Empire State of Mind

This past week marked my 2 year anniversary in New York!  Most days the score is New York: 1, Marisa: 0, but I must thank you, New York City, for making me the person I am today.  Can’t wait to see what year 3 holds! tumblr_ncgygnrpyv1r9fos1o1_500

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Romper: Design Lab/Lord & Taylor, Ear Cuff Earrings: Forever 21, Lips: Laura Mercier’s Lip Glacé “Pink Spark,” Sunglasses: Bought them on the street in Flatiron  🙂

Photos by Devon McLaughlin, The Leveraged Look @theleveragedlook

Unlimited Vitality

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“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest” -Maya Angelou

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“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated” -Maya Angelou

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them” -Maya Angelou

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” -Maya Angelou

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“Nothing will work unless you do” -Maya Angelou

This colorful mural, featuring musician and singer-songwriter Joey Ramone, can be found on the side of Saxon + Parole on Bleecker Street. In 2015, this piece was commissioned  by the Little Italy Street Art Project (L.I.S.A., @thelisaprjectnyc) and painted by Dublin’s Solus and the Bronx’s John ‘CRASH’ Matos (#SolusxCrash).   The L.I.S.A. Project is “a 501(c)3 charity arts program founded in historic Little Italy bringing events & diverse artists to Downtown, creating NYC only mural district” (-L.I.S.A.).  The mural was strategically painted across the street from CBGB, the location where the band the Ramones originally started.

Top & Sunglasses: H&M, Bracelet: Ralph Lauren, Choker: Forever 21, Shorts: Urban Outfitters, Shoes: Christian Siriano, Lips: L’Oreal 8hr New Nouveau Infallible #320 “Mirror Underneath”

Photos by Devon McLaughlin, The Leveraged Look @theleveragedlook