The other day, a friend of mine wronged me. She doesn’t know that I know she wronged me, but I do. I’m not going to go into detail here, but it wasn’t something major, just the equivalent of something very high school (i.e. not inviting me to a party because she didn’t want me there for whatever reason).
From high school to my junior year in college, I was bullied. I wasn’t bullied by groups of people, nor was there a lot of concrete evidence that I was bullied. I was consistently and sort-of passively bullied by my closest friends.
When I click with someone, I tend to become instantaneous friends with them. During my younger years, however, my intuition was not as strong, and I constantly found myself becoming friends with people who were not good for me.
During high school, I quickly became friends with a girl, and we became inseparable. Everyone knew we were very close and a package deal. About a year into our friendship, however, she began to low-key bully me. It started by putting me down by saying small comments here and there. The subtle digs continued until they developed into so much more.
I remember her once telling me “Marisa, you’re never going to be a model.” To that statement, I now laugh (if she only knew where I was now!), but at the time I was devastated. How could my best friend who is supposed to love, care, and support me say that about me? Answer is that she wasn’t a true friend.
There were many red flags that I should have ended my friendship with her, but we were at a small, all-girls school, where the level of drama tends to be high generally speaking. I wasn’t looking to cause or add to any drama, and I sure as hell wasn’t looking for our friends to start choosing sides, something that would have been inevitable considering we had a small circle of mutual friends. This girl was also known for having a strong and mean personality, and to be honest, my young, timid self was afraid to even have a simple conversation with her about how she was making me feel. So, I sucked it up and tried to brush it all under the rug.
Eventually, we did end our friendship halfway during my senior year of high school. I think the final straw was over a guy I liked that she was poaching on—I can’t remember to be honest, it feels like a lifetime ago. Although I was devastated for losing my best friend and our mutual friends ended up choosing sides for the most part, I remember being very proud of myself for finally standing up for myself.
Unfortunately, the lesson repeats until it’s learned. After this falling out with this friend, the same thing happened to me again in high school and then twice in college. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I finally broke the cycle.
I continued to attract one close best friend who low-key emotionally abused me. It happened to me 5x in a row. Each time, it was hard to realize it was happening because girls can be manipulative, crafty, and for sure catty.
Me being me, I also always tried to focus on the good in people and refused to believe anyone, let alone my best friend at the time, could do this to me. I still always look for the good in people, but I sure as hell don’t overlook the bad anymore. I don’t hold grudges—I think it’s a waste of time and energy, but I certainly don’t forget how people treat me and make me feel.
I started to attract good and genuine friends into my life because I finally stopped allowing people to treat me poorly. I knew I deserved to be treated better, and I wanted to be treated better. I knew I deserved to have genuinely good people in my life, and once I consistently started thinking this and changed my mindset, I began attracting the people that I wanted.
So, back to my friend that I started this article about: Although we are adults, and petty things like this blatantly shouldn’t be happening, at the end of the day, I can’t be mad at her for not being confident enough with herself.
People tend to project or take out their insecurities on others, and this is exactly what is happening here. I was livid once I found out what she did to me because 1. situations like these clearly hit close to home because of my past and 2. We are all adults here, grow up, but once I realized this is about her, not me, I accepted what had happened and chose to let it go.
This chic and very fashionable top is from Romwe! I have written about this before, but I must mention again that I am obsessed with the bell sleeve phenomenon for this season! What makes this top also stand out is the intricate sleeve design. I love that this top incorporates eye-catching lace-up tie sleeves. It makes for a stylish, edgy, yet sophisticated look. It’s the perfect transition top to take you from day to night! I love it paired with white denim jeans or a cute skirt or shorts. You can certainly wear this to a barbeque or when you’re out and about shopping during the day, and you can dress it up for parties or get-togethers later in the evening!
Romwe is the place to shop for fun, stylish and edgy clothing! If you’re looking for something very fashionable or the latest styles and trends, Romwe has it all! All of their clothes are so chic and on trend. Not to mention, they are outrageously affordable!
All photography is by Josh Lobel Photography (@jlobelphoto) and shot in SoHo.